I might as well face it...

I'm addicted to blogs.

So I'm not entirely sure what the appeal is for blogging. I mean, I can't quite pinpoint why I feel the need to post so much. Perhaps I'm simply more of an exhibitionist than I thought. And I do tend to be overenthusiastic about anything new & shiny. And I do tend to be somewhat impulsive. *coughs under breath* smoking, drugs, comics, nintendogs *whistles unsuspisciously*
There just seems to be a feeling of freedom when blogging that I don't get anywhere else.

Case in point, I 'came out' to my brother & sister-in-law this weekend. What finally gave me the courage to take that final step? I didn't want them to not have access to my blog, on which I refer to my sexual orientation. *pauses* Yeah... really. I guess something had to trigger it.

The harder question is why did it take so long to tell them? Why would such a silly thing like a blog, for Christ's sake, get me to finally take the plunge & say something that I've been wanting to for so long? I know with JAS it's never been that I thought that they would reject me or judge me or anything. I knew that they wouldn't stop loving me. But...

I think it's just been so long. Why didn't I tell them before? It would've been ok. But the longer it got, the harder it got. And so, out blurts this piece of my soul and I try to pass it off like it's not a big deal, 'cuz I don't want to look up just in case I can see in their eyes that it hurts them that I couldn't tell them before.

*sigh* What it comes down to is that I hate that I've been hiding this for so long. And it's not easy to admit that I've been a liar. And ultimately it does feel better to be 'out'... at least a little bit. The bigger challenge is still ahead. Mamah & Papah. I know they'll still love me too. I just hope they will still understand me.

God! I just re-read that... Suck It Up, Anna! It's not like I have to explain a 'lesbian lifestyle' to them or anything. I mean, I'm in a very happy heterosexual marriage... it's just that for me my husband's gender doesn't make or break the relationship. It's not like I'm afraid the 'rents will kick me out and disown me. As far as 'coming out parties' go, I've got it pretty good. *shakes head* Just needed a little perspective there. *pause*... *Dr. Phil's voice ringing in head* "Other people's hardships do not discount your own." ...

Ah, wtf. What's done, is done. What will come, will come. I go around in a big circle and always end back at the Tao. This is just exactly how things needed to go in my life to get me where I need to be. I process this in just exactly the way and time that is best for me to handle it at this point in my life. I don't need to question it.

Thanks, Pooh Bear. Thanks, Blogs.
*grins* Cheapest. Therapy. Ev-har.