Crazy Monkies Unite!
Hmmm... two to four weeks of stress leave. What a fabulous fuckin' way to spend the holiday season.
I can barely get outside the freakin' house. I went to Regal for their bankruptcy sale yesterday. I saw 2 people from work... not even from my department, they simply work at the Board. I had a panic attack and had to leave. I saw one of the custodians from one of the high school's yesterday at the mall. I don't think I had a full blown panic attack, but it took me about half an hour to calm down. Everytime I'm out of the house my anxiety spikes pretty badly. Which isn't to say that I'm necessarily calm when I'm at home either.
I just want this all to stop. I want to feel normal again. Capable, independent, free. I want to think with actual logic again.
Example - I feel like all my stressors are pushing down on me, as I mentioned in a previous blog. In my infinite fucking wisdom (following an attack) I decided that if I just released some of the stressors then I would release some of the pressure. And what did I pick? I came out to my parents. *singing* I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!
My dad was actually really awesome. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction, if I'd written it into an after-school special. In fact, he was more concerned with making sure that my marriage was ok, and that I was remaining monogamous than he was with what gender it was in relation to. Mom, on the other hand, is doing her very best to be supportive... and the effort is painstakingly obvious. Again, I can't ask for much more than that. She's doing the best that she can. It is however disappointing and somewhat upsetting to feel the distance growing between us. I can tell that she's trying to not let it happen, but there is a barrier between us now. I can only hope that it will pass with time.
...And I thought that this would be a stress reliever WHY exactly? I can hear the crazy monkies laughing at me right now. Bastards!
*giggles* After my dad dropped me off at home, he drove around the block and came back and knocked on my door. He wanted to clarify if I was bisexual emotionally only or if it was physical too. *confused* um... physical too, dad. Then he got all concerned about whether or not I could have a baby... and then he got all confused about why he never noticed when I was a baby. Woah! Dad! I'm not a hermaphrodite! I'm all woman... I just like women too.
Oh - good. So when will you get pregnant then? You know, if Charles has a low sperm count he shouldn't feel embarassed. There's lots they can do these days.
*grin* I love my dad. He's so supportive. In the weirdest way possible.
I can barely get outside the freakin' house. I went to Regal for their bankruptcy sale yesterday. I saw 2 people from work... not even from my department, they simply work at the Board. I had a panic attack and had to leave. I saw one of the custodians from one of the high school's yesterday at the mall. I don't think I had a full blown panic attack, but it took me about half an hour to calm down. Everytime I'm out of the house my anxiety spikes pretty badly. Which isn't to say that I'm necessarily calm when I'm at home either.
I just want this all to stop. I want to feel normal again. Capable, independent, free. I want to think with actual logic again.
Example - I feel like all my stressors are pushing down on me, as I mentioned in a previous blog. In my infinite fucking wisdom (following an attack) I decided that if I just released some of the stressors then I would release some of the pressure. And what did I pick? I came out to my parents. *singing* I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T!
My dad was actually really awesome. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction, if I'd written it into an after-school special. In fact, he was more concerned with making sure that my marriage was ok, and that I was remaining monogamous than he was with what gender it was in relation to. Mom, on the other hand, is doing her very best to be supportive... and the effort is painstakingly obvious. Again, I can't ask for much more than that. She's doing the best that she can. It is however disappointing and somewhat upsetting to feel the distance growing between us. I can tell that she's trying to not let it happen, but there is a barrier between us now. I can only hope that it will pass with time.
...And I thought that this would be a stress reliever WHY exactly? I can hear the crazy monkies laughing at me right now. Bastards!
*giggles* After my dad dropped me off at home, he drove around the block and came back and knocked on my door. He wanted to clarify if I was bisexual emotionally only or if it was physical too. *confused* um... physical too, dad. Then he got all concerned about whether or not I could have a baby... and then he got all confused about why he never noticed when I was a baby. Woah! Dad! I'm not a hermaphrodite! I'm all woman... I just like women too.
Oh - good. So when will you get pregnant then? You know, if Charles has a low sperm count he shouldn't feel embarassed. There's lots they can do these days.
*grin* I love my dad. He's so supportive. In the weirdest way possible.
posted by Buster Fixxitt & his Best Girl @ 2:16 p.m.
1 Comments:
At 12/11/2005 10:40 p.m.,
Anonymous said…
I'm smiling right now, because the way you sounded on the phone tonight is much like the way you sound at the end of these comments...and that's much better than the rest of the week.
Big HUGS....
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