Quiet Morning

It's calm here. Alone in bed. Enjoying the fuzziness of my blankets.

I don't ever want to leave this place. It's safe. As long as I'm awake.

When I sleep, I'm unprotected. Anything can happen. Anything bad.
The fear creeps into me. Consumes me.
The saddness pulls at me. Seduces me.
The love fades in the fog. Abandons me.
It's not a nightmare. It not a scary dream. It is nothing more than a hopeless reality.
Reality.

I shake my head - I know it's just dreams. They just seem more real because of the withdrawal. But when I wake up I don't feel that relief I used to. "Thank god it was just a dream." It is simply a shift from one reality to the next. "Oh. I'm in this place again."

And then I feel the calm. The quietness of morning. No stimulus. No response. Just me.